So much going on!

So many changes! As posted before, I am pregnant! Also, Tristan is fully weaned as of 2 days ago. He is doing excellent with it! He has been going right to sleep at night, instead of fussing. He has been abnormally cranky (extremely cranky!) the past week, but I think it may be teething? He does not have an ear infection. Some people think he may be able to tell i'm pregnant. He seems much better today, though *knock on wood*. I hosted an amazing spa party yesterday! It was all decorated with candles and flowers! There was a spa room. My friend came and did mani/pedis. There was a hand massage class, and tons of giveaways and prizes. We did affirmation cards, and there was tons of food and activities. I think I'll do it again in 6 months!

Ricky and I will be celebrating our 5-year anniversary in August! We are going on a road trip. My parents are kind enough to watch Tristan. It will be good time spent together before baby 2 comes along. Here is our itinerary:

Sat- Drop off Tristan, drive 3 hours to Astoria, Oregon. Visit Fort Stevens. Camp at Astroria/Seaside KOA.

Sun- Visit Seaside, OR all day. Camp at KOA.

Mon- Pack up, drive 1 hour, visit Tillamook Cheese Factory. Drive 7 more hours. Camp at the Redwood National Forest KOA.

Tues- Explore the Redwoods. Camp at the Redwood KOA.

Wed- Pack up, drive 3 hours to Crater Lake. Camp at Mazama Village Campground.

Thurs- Explore Crater Lake. Camp at Mazama Village Campground.

Fri- Pack up, drive 9 hours to Leavenworth, WA. Camp at Leavenworth KOA.

Sat- Explore Leavenworth, pack up, drive 2 hours to our condo in Renton. Sleep at our house.

Sun- Sleep in, rest, pick up Tristan after his nap.

Hawkins Family Grows!

I'M PREGNANT!!!! YAY!!! That is exactly how I feel. I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin. I am so giddy :-) I have already told my relatives, and posted the news on Facebook. I'm never the type to be able to keep it a secret. Now the only thing that is on my mind is: I hope I don't have a miscarriage! I know, such a morbid topic considering I just found out I have a new life growing in me! I am always such a worry-wart.

Here's the good news: My first doctor's appt. is on Jun 15th (only 20 more days!). It is supposed to be at 8 weeks, but my cycles are usually longer, so I bet they'll find the baby to only be 7 weeks. Tristan was 6 1/2 weeks at my '8 wk' appt. The baby's due date will likely be at the very end of January, or early Feb, but i'll post when they let me know.

The less good news: It is not good to nurse while pregnant, so Tristan needs to wean soon (Probably within a week). It is good that he was already almost weaned (only 2/day). Starting today, I removed his morning nursing, but i'll do the bedtime one for 4-5 days, then that will be it! It is sad :-(

We are already looking at baby names! I am so excited about this baby! I have been praying so much about this, especially for the past month. God truly has been faithful to my family. My faith has truly grown through the pregnancy and birth of my child(ren).

As of right now, I feel great! I am not very far in the pregnancy yet. I have been a little more tired, and hungry, but no sickness. We will see what happens. No sickness for my last pregnancy, so let's hope it is the same!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRISTAN!

Happy Birthday to my little man, Tristan Isaiah Hawkins! I cannot believe it has already been I year since he was born. A year ago today, I went from no contractions to 10 centimeters in 2 1/2 hours. The hospital was a whirlwind. I called asking if I should come in because my contractions were 3 min apart, but had just started. They said yes. I called Ricky to come back home. We got to the hospital and I thought we would be sent home. My contractions were a piece of cake. Hooray! I was 5 cm. They said to walk to hall for an hour till my room was ready. I only made it down the hall. I got to my room. I was 10 cm! The nurses were freaking out and telling me not to push (I didn't even feel the urge). Then I pushed for 7 hours.... and he had to be 'vacuumed' out. His little nose was squished for weeks, and his head was a cone. His head was so sore that they went to the NICU and got him a gel pillow that he slept on for 2 weeks lol.

Happy Birthday to my little man, Tristan Isaiah Hawkins! I cannot believe it has already been I year since he was born. A year ago today, I went from no contractions to 10 centimeters in 2 1/2 hours. The hospital was a whirlwind. I called asking if I should come in because my contractions were 3 min apart, but had just started. They said yes. I called Ricky to come back home. We got to the hospital and I thought we would be sent home. My contractions were a piece of cake. Hooray! I was 5 cm. They said to walk to hall for an hour till my room was ready. I only made it down the hall. I got to my room. I was 10 cm! The nurses were freaking out and telling me not to push (I didn't even feel the urge). Then I pushed for 7 hours.... and he had to be 'vacuumed' out. His little nose was squished for weeks, and his head was a cone. His head was so sore that they went to the NICU and got him a gel pillow that he slept on for 2 weeks lol.

The past year has gone by so fast! I told Ricky yesterday that I have sung 'You Are My Sunshine' to him every day of his life. At one year, Tristan is a speedy crawler, picky eater, finicky sleeper, very hyper and active, and he loves getting hugs. He's not much of a cuddler, though. He has 5 teeth. He is 'cruising' on furniture, but not walking yet. He has stood once, but he normally just leans against things, even without his hands. He is down to 2 nursing sessions a day, and has 4 solid meals a day. He just started eating finger foods, but just barely. He just started getting attached to this little stuffed rattle giraffe named "Jambalaya". He loves eating hair and fuzzies! His favorite foods are bananas and yogurt. He says 'mama' 'dada' and a mangled version of 'light'.

I am so thankful that I get to stay home with him every day! I've barely spent any time apart from him, and I still feel that I've missed so much. I love him so much! Today we are getting pictures of him and family portraits. I realized that to this day, we do not have a single picture with all three of us in it... that's sad! I will be done weaning him in a month, which makes me sad.

Baby Fever

I want a baby. I've definitely been advertising that point lately. I feel like i'm starting to get annoying, but this feeling is very annoying to me also. I probably keep announcing it because I am looking for some glimmer of hope that it will happen soon. I always thought that it would be easier waiting for second (third, fourth) pregnancies, but I think I was wrong. Tristan was a planned pregnancy, but it happened the first month. No waiting, really. We have been trying since the beginning of December for number two. It was pretty easy at first. I was still nursing 6 times a day, and my cycle had not returned yet. It gave me a 'good reason' why it wasn't happening. Then I got my cycle back, but I was still nursing a lot, so that was my excuse. Now, I just began weaning, and he is at twice a day (only for a few weeks). Hopefully that will help get the process started. I know that everything can take a while to get back to normal after giving birth and nursing, but I feel like after 6 months, my 'excuses to myself' are finally wearing off.

I also know that Tristan is still a baby. I am NOT trying to replace him. I simply know that pregnancy is a 10-month ordeal, so he will be well out of babyhood by the time #2 comes around. I think that I am going to have a hard time wanting to stop having kids. When Ricky and I met, he wanted only one child, and not until he was near 30. I wanted 3, and wanted to start as soon as someone was brave enough to marry me. I don't think I would have been able to marry someone who only wanted one. Luckily for me, by the time we got engaged, Ricky wanted 3. After we got married, I still had massive baby fever, but I knew it was unrealistic to expect an 18-year-old guy to have kids right away. Every so often we would argue about it, but one day Ricky said he had been thinking about it for about 6 months (had to be sure before he told me. You can't take something like that back!) and he was ready! This was about 3 years into our marriage. We tried, and were lucky enough to not play the waiting game.

During my pregnancy with Tristan, I began thinking about wanting 4. Ricky stuck to '3', but I thought that was reasonable. Then my precious Tristan was born! I love him so much! The first thing I said directly after giving birth was (to the doctor) "so, is this what delivery will be like next time?" and he replied to me "how about we talk about birth control on your next visit" lol. Then as a few months passed, I started feeling like I wouldn't want to stop having kids. This is a problem, considering Ricky only wanted 3. A few months ago, Ricky told me he felt God changed his heart, and now he wants 4 or 5 children. HALLELUJAH!! No convincing needed on my part. Thanks, God :-)

I hope God decides to bless us with our next child soon. If not, He will certainly teach me patience. I know that each baby is a blessing and a gift from God. I will do everything in my power to cherish these gifts and thank Him every day for them :-)

Mommy, the controller

I have followers! Weird lol I suppose I like living vicariously through others as well. Today I am going on an outing with my mom. I will be gone from Tristan for both of his naps. We'll only be gone for 4 hours, but I haven't had much time away from him since he was born (because of the whole not taking a bottle thing). Saturday morning I am going to some yard sales with some friends, and Ricky will be staying home with Tristan. It is such an odd feeling. I almost feel like Tristan cannot possibly survive without his mommy. Even for a few hours. I always make sure to relay specific directions. 'This is his schedule, he like this, he hates that....' I am trying to let go a LITTLE bit... For example, I am trying to go on a date or go do something at least once a week and get a babysitter. I think Tristan needs to get used to different people. He even needs to get used to ricky watching him. I am trying to allow him to nap in the pack and play at my parent's house (they just moved back). But I know that Tristan is not used to that, and just cries. However, he napped there last week.

In August, Ricky and I are going on an anniversary road trip. My parents are watching Tristan for 9 DAYS! I keep trying to talk myself out of it. "He'll need me. He won't sleep there. I'll miss him too much" The last one is probably the only true one. But we need the time away. Alone together. We will be having another baby soon (hopefully), so it will be the last time we have this much alone time for another 20 years!

On another note, yesterday was 'weaning day 1'. He did very well! He only got a little cranky once and wanted to nurse, but I just gave him his water instead. I cried a bit last night after he went to bed and I was talking to Ricky. Mostly, I am sad that Tristan is growing up so fast. I think I said "He wont love me as much anymore because he won't need me" and "He'll think i'm being mean to him". I think it's usually harder for the mom than the baby. It is comforting knowing that i'll have another baby to comfort next year.

Blogging again?

I haven't blogged in over a year. Tristan is almost a year old! (next wednesday) I cannot believe that he is so old already! It feels like he was just born. He sure has been a handful at times, and a joy all of the time. As I think back, I find it important that I learn that all things will pass and get better with time. He didn't start sleeping through the night until 11 months old! He is a very, very light sleeper (so we have to use a fan on high as white noise, and I can't do anything during his naps). He didn't nap at all until 6 months. He still cries before each nap and bedtime. He was a very late crawler. He had a flat head and almost needed a helmet, as well as physical therapy to fix his neck. He had a heart murmur that healed itself. Now we face ourselves with a near one-year-old who vomits when he eats basically anything not completely pureed. It is hard for me to realize that he won't have these problems forever.

Along with his eating problems, I am starting to wean him this week. That was always a point of anxiety for me because he never took the bottle or binky. Not only is he very attached to me and nursing, but I was afraid he wouldn't learn the sippy cup. Well, he is doing surprisingly well with the sippy cup after introducing it very early and very consistently. He got his first taste of cow's milk yesterday, and he seemed to like it! I am going to wean him to only a morning and right before bed nursing. He started biting me, so I had to wean him earlier than expected. We have to have him completely weaned by our Anniversary trip in August.

On another baby-related note, we have been trying for another baby for 6 months now. It hasn't seemed like that long because i've had Tristan to worry about, and also because nursing can hinder getting pregnant. But in the past month, I have started getting massive baby fever again. I loved being pregnant the first time, and I want to have my babies close in age. If I got pregnant this month, they would be 20 months apart. Ricky and I both want 4 or 5 kids. Ricky used to want 3, but God has really changed our hearts on the issue. I keep fearing that i'll never want to stop! haha

Recently Ricky and I have been focusing on becoming a Christ-centered family. I have seen so many amazing improvements in our marriage, and Ricky as a leader of the household. I have been experimenting with praying for others, my family, and worshiping at church. God recently started putting people from our past back into our lives (not good people), and we have been able to deal with old issues and keep a strong marriage while doing so.

Life is pretty good right now. I believe that God put Tristan in my life for joy. I didn't realize this until this past week, but I used to have bad depression and bipolar problems, but I do not anymore. Ricky even told me that I am am much more mellow and do not have mood swings like I used to. I am excited to see what will happen next in my life.