Baby Fever

I want a baby. I've definitely been advertising that point lately. I feel like i'm starting to get annoying, but this feeling is very annoying to me also. I probably keep announcing it because I am looking for some glimmer of hope that it will happen soon. I always thought that it would be easier waiting for second (third, fourth) pregnancies, but I think I was wrong. Tristan was a planned pregnancy, but it happened the first month. No waiting, really. We have been trying since the beginning of December for number two. It was pretty easy at first. I was still nursing 6 times a day, and my cycle had not returned yet. It gave me a 'good reason' why it wasn't happening. Then I got my cycle back, but I was still nursing a lot, so that was my excuse. Now, I just began weaning, and he is at twice a day (only for a few weeks). Hopefully that will help get the process started. I know that everything can take a while to get back to normal after giving birth and nursing, but I feel like after 6 months, my 'excuses to myself' are finally wearing off.

I also know that Tristan is still a baby. I am NOT trying to replace him. I simply know that pregnancy is a 10-month ordeal, so he will be well out of babyhood by the time #2 comes around. I think that I am going to have a hard time wanting to stop having kids. When Ricky and I met, he wanted only one child, and not until he was near 30. I wanted 3, and wanted to start as soon as someone was brave enough to marry me. I don't think I would have been able to marry someone who only wanted one. Luckily for me, by the time we got engaged, Ricky wanted 3. After we got married, I still had massive baby fever, but I knew it was unrealistic to expect an 18-year-old guy to have kids right away. Every so often we would argue about it, but one day Ricky said he had been thinking about it for about 6 months (had to be sure before he told me. You can't take something like that back!) and he was ready! This was about 3 years into our marriage. We tried, and were lucky enough to not play the waiting game.

During my pregnancy with Tristan, I began thinking about wanting 4. Ricky stuck to '3', but I thought that was reasonable. Then my precious Tristan was born! I love him so much! The first thing I said directly after giving birth was (to the doctor) "so, is this what delivery will be like next time?" and he replied to me "how about we talk about birth control on your next visit" lol. Then as a few months passed, I started feeling like I wouldn't want to stop having kids. This is a problem, considering Ricky only wanted 3. A few months ago, Ricky told me he felt God changed his heart, and now he wants 4 or 5 children. HALLELUJAH!! No convincing needed on my part. Thanks, God :-)

I hope God decides to bless us with our next child soon. If not, He will certainly teach me patience. I know that each baby is a blessing and a gift from God. I will do everything in my power to cherish these gifts and thank Him every day for them :-)